Joel

let's celebrate!

2007-10-04T23:00:00.000+08:00

Woohoo! Promos over! Literally hahaha! Damn scared i won't promote, must at least subpass physics or i'll be in trouble. Just looking to the future now, especially with that special, historical flight coming up in just 3 weeks. Anyway, time to concentrate on other stuff, chilling, pool blah blah blah.

I don't believe it...

2007-09-08T00:03:00.000+08:00

I GOT A SEAT FOR THE A380 INAUGURAL FLIGHT!!! Absolutely unbelievable!!!

J1 retreat

2007-08-26T14:35:00.000+08:00

Came back from the J1 retreat last night. Got home at 10.30pm, went to bed at midnight and slept 12h straight. The retreat wasn't as bad as i feared it would be, but it's still far off from what i've experienced in SJI, the RME retreats, legion camps and chalets etc, and dare i say it isn't even as good as church camps. The retreat was mostly about making choices and finding happiness. Or at least i think it was. It was cool to have Eugene Wong as my facil. He happens to be one of my older friends from Legion. i think he made the difference in me having a meaningful retreat.

Anyway, i guess i did take something away from the retreat. About the happiness and all. It's very difficult to define happiness and we all have different definitions of it. The sessions on happiness really made me think about where i derive my own happiness from and why i don't really feel happy nowadays. Something Eugene said kinda struck me, he said that sometimes we don't need to pursue happiness, it's already there, it's whether we able to realise it. A lot of people think that i've more or less got it all, i come from a well-off family and have pretty much everything that i could ever want. So naturally, i ought to be happy right? And maybe it's cos i'm unable to realise this, that i'm unhappy. Well happiness is always so much more. right now, i'm struggling to find purpose. Life has become so mundane. Week in week out it's the same thing, mon-fri school, sat mucking around at home, sun church, visit grandparents. Well i guess the retreat has made me think more about making a choice and a commitment to an action, an action that will bring me happiness. I've made my choice, it's a choice to bring some purpose to my life and in bringing myself happiness, trying to spread happiness as well.

True happiness may be but an idealistic pursuit, so maybe it's time to realise the happiness i have now, as Eugene said. Take the positives, turn the situation upside down, and maybe life as i know it would be a happy one. And when happiness is achieved, it's time to pay it forward.

Us or you

2007-08-23T22:22:00.000+08:00

Don't wayang in front of us please. When it matters, you're incompetent and you don't really understand the responsibility you've been entrusted with. You don't understand what it means to be in the position that you hold now. Just putting on a show in front of the people who matter. Just look at yourself. You don't have a clue what's going on or what we really think about you. Neither do you have any inkling how bad you're doing. You're obviously threatened by the rest of us. Don't give us the bullshit that you know this person in that position and that other person in that other position. You know very well when it counts we're the ones who know the people who really matter and we're the ones who know make things happen. You're never around when you should be nor do you believe in communicating everything with us. If you can't make the necessary sacrifices like the rest of us, if you can't fulfil your responsibilities, if you can't do the basic that you're expected to do, then please just admit it and disappear. Please just cut your damn act. If you can't change, then something's gonna happen. At the end, either we go or you go. Simple as that.

Leaving a sinking ship?

2007-08-22T23:31:00.000+08:00

I am not a quitter, nor do i wish to appear to be leaving a sinking ship. But i really can't stand the way things are turning out. On the one hand, i must consider the feelings of people, on the other hand i need to consider what's best for the CCA. I admit i have my share of failings as well over the last month or so, but i'm doing my best while trying to appease everybody. I can't keep this up forever, don't expect me to be around to cover up everything when things go wrong or come up with ideas and solutions for everything. I can't constantly lie in waiting to know what's going to happen. It's cowardly to leave without rectifying the situation as much as possible, but i can't expect to hang around until i finally crack from the stress. I don't want step down, but push me over the edge and i will leave. Let's see how things go from there, after the domino effect kicks in.

Beautiful fireworks!!!

2007-08-19T15:40:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was J2 appreciation. Supposed to meet at city hall at 1pm, but we didn't leave till 1.50pm. Went to sizzler at suntec for lunch. Cost a tidy sum, especially having to pay for the j2s. Then we walked over to One Fullerton to escape the rain while waiting. Literally spent 1h stoning there doing nothing. Finally went to the Esplanade bridge at about 5. Sounds early right? Typical kiasu Singaporeans? Maybe, but it sure was worth it. Going there so early was an excellent decision. We managed to find a prime spot on the bridge to capture the fireworks. By 7, the bridge was beginning to get crowded. As more and more people came, there was a lot of jostling and the cops had to keep everything under control and maintain the flow of human traffic.

Just past 8, i made the rather unwise decision of going to the toilet at one fullerton. Firstly, i had to fight my way off the bridge, fight my way into the toilet due to the long queue for the ladies' and narrow passageway. Then repeat the process to get back to our 'picnic' spot.

Nasty Singaporeans aside, the show was absolutely fantastic. The fireworks display was a magnificent work of art, though i wish they'd made more shapes than just flowers. It was a lovely sight to see fireworks dancing on the river surface. I have never seen a more beautiful fireworks display. Unfortunately i don't have any pics to show since i chose not to bring my D80, but i do have a 238MB video. Even then, the video doesn't do justice to the display, nor does it bring out the atmosphere and fully convey the experience.

Faced another human and a vehicular jam trying to get out of the area. At least it was fairly orderly and no pushing and shoving, unlike some past experiences. Note to self: if attending next yr's fireworks festival, bring, in addition to what i already brought this year: 1) portable stool; 2) handheld fan; 3) D80

Stress

2007-08-15T22:27:00.000+08:00

Feeling really stressed these days. So many tests these 2 weeks and promos are only 5 weeks away. I'm actually damn scared i won't be able to get promoted. Plus as usual, there's more CCA stuff to deal with, got like 3 montages to finish. And there's a "review of 2007" to complete, as well as the CCA plans and budget for next year.

PW is also driving me up the wall. What the hell is the point of PW anyway? It's a bloody time wasting load of crap. PW sucks!

Just wasting more time complaining about the way things are again. Nothing much to look forward to these days. Everything is either mundane and routine or it's some horrible thing that i don't like doing and makes me feel more stressed. I seem to be lacking a drive or motivation nowadays, something that spurs me to carry on with my daily life. It seems i can't derive any enjoyment from the things i do in life nowadays.

PW survey!!!!

2007-08-01T20:55:00.000+08:00

All of you who read this, do this survey for me:
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=6zwjScc2Ncdea6_2fzIhVJ0g_3d_3d
Thanks!

For anyone who still reads....

2007-07-30T21:12:00.000+08:00

Ha. So i haven't updated for like, oh only abt 6 or 7 weeks. But whatever. No motivation to blog and i've been super busy. Mid-years, CCA stuff blah blah blah. The usual. So just a quick update before i start on a 6-page hist assignment.

I guess everything has been pretty good. Mid-years weren't great, but not horrific either for the amount of effort (or lack of it) put in. Math-U, Econs-C, Physics-D, History-B, GP-C, Chi-E. So not all bad i guess, math obviously i need to work harder. Phy really relieved to pass, but there's plenty of room for improvement. The econs was slightly disappointing, but i was 2nd in class, so yea. GP was quite ok, 1st in class??? As for hist, well that one was really stunning. Pawned my class and stunned the hell out of them as well. Haha.

Academics aside, things are pretty good as well. CCA is coming along fine, got past that crazy week of PAC opening. As a matter of fact, the crazy month of july is ending. And yes, i am the new VP of FSV. It's supposed to be a zuo bo job, but i find myself doing too much. I guess i might have bitten off more than i can chew. But i'll live with it. Now to get to some serious work and that 6 page hist essay.

The pain, the blood, the agony

2007-06-12T21:45:00.000+08:00

Just had another wisdom tooth extraction today. Worse than the last time, more pain, more blood, bigger tooth. Plus i still feel numbness at the right of my mouth. So i'll be out of action for the next few days, no REAL food for at least 4 days. And i'll have to stay at home all the home, well at least i can use that time to mug.

2007-06-05T00:05:00.000+08:00

Last night and today were 2 crazy fun days. Jeremy, Edwin and Verrell came over to stay the night. We played on the xbox, a few rounds of mahjong and various card games. We did eventually sleep at 4, after consuming a pizza at like 3.30 in the morning. This morning we went to prata place for breakfast and that was one rather memorable experience.

We ordered a few pratas, drinks and the craziest thing of all, an XL murtabak. The XL murtabak is REALLY BIG. Don't believe? Look:

When the guy shifted another table over, we thought it was just good service. Then when the murtabak arrived, we realised why. Compare the size of that tray to the table. when we saw the size of that thing, we were like "what the bloody hell!" Even the other patrons were rather interested in this gargantuan thingy we had on our table. Seemingly impossible to finish? Well, man did we own it! With much fanfare, we polished it off! Here's what the tray looked like after we were done...

Finished, every last bit of it. What an accomplishment! This (yesterday's, it's after 12) morning's breakfast is gonna live long in our memory. One of our finest eating feats.

Just 2 more days before mom, dad and sis get back. Yay!

Watching each day go by

2007-06-03T00:59:00.000+08:00

Hmm. I've been sitting around the house doing nothing but watching TV, playing FM07 or eating. I'm seriously stoning these few days of the holiday away. Supposed to be studying, haven't started; supposed to pick up my tripod, haven't done that either. It's really boring just staying at home and facing just the walls and a screen (Tv or comps). Sigh. Somehow i really miss the human interaction. And all my friends aren't that free to go out and hang all the time. What a waste of life. What a boring time.

Home alone...

2007-05-30T22:17:00.000+08:00

Sigh. My parents and my sis have gone on holiday to korea. Leaving me and my bro at home (kind of). Not that i wanted to go or am able to go, as a matter of fact i dislike (almost) everything korean. Well, it's just that my bro has a to help at a church camp this weekend and next week he'll be back in camp (NS). Which leaves me all alone at home (not counting the maid). Even though i'll be out most of the time, it sucks to come home to four walls and no company. Bleah. Well, at least you all know where to come if you need to a place to party....AHAHA! Just kidding!

Anyway, went spotting today after seeing mom and sis off. Pretty boring, would have been more dreary if jeremy hadn't come and joined me and verrell. Here's a random pic from today:

Nice ain't it?

That's enough for today, i need to find some way to keep myself occupied for the next 7 days. I seriously need some company....

Too pampered?

2007-05-19T23:59:00.000+08:00

So today i was supposed to go down to library@orchard to study with edwin, jon and darrell. I planned to hitch a ride with my family since they were going down to taka to have lunch and shop. Got to taka a 12.35 and that's when the trouble started. I decided to leave my bag in the car, since it contained my 2.7kg laptop and study stuff which i didn't want to carry about yet. I assumed that i could go up and meet them and then go across to cine for lunch straightaway. So mom gave me a spare key to the car for me to retrieve my stuff later. My assumption was so totally wrong though, we ended up not leaving for cine till like 2 or 2.30, despite my best efforts to get them to get moving. We went for lunch at xin wang and spent like 2h? there eating and playing cards. We eventually left and went back to

So, i went down to the basement to get my stuff and lo and behold! The car was gone! I got one helluva shock. Just bloody brilliant. Naturally i called mother and she told me "we're at home already" Like WTH?! I got really pissed on the phone and i was using A LOT of "what the hell". Of course, mom and dad got angry as well and dad said i was "too pampered". In hindsight, i really regret being so rude and disrespectful over the phone, especially considering that just an hour before that i had asked mom to help me buy some Royce chocolate. The only pathetic excuse i have for the way i behaved is that sometimes, we all get angry when things don't go right and we just let loose without thinking. I shouldn't have behaved the way i did this afternoon.

As it were anyway, the conversation ended abruptly and i did something really crazy, i slammed my phone onto the floor. Yes, i slammed my N80 IE onto the floor of the taka carpark. Another thing i regret from today.

Eventually, we went up and i mucked around and did a little physics from edwin's TYS. Left taka about 8.40 and went home. So i had a few regrets from today. I haven't apologised to mom about the way i behaved, i'll try to make myself do that later. I guessed i got another reminder today that i really need to control my temper better. Oh well, yet another thing i need to work on i guess.

Finally...

2007-05-16T20:50:00.000+08:00

Ok so i've finally managed to post. Something wrong with my account the last week or so. Anyway, the last couple of weeks have been slightly better. Things are beginning to look bright again. Here's a summary of some of the significant events over the last couple of weeks.

Last thurs i went to watch Phantom of the Opera with the family. Finished school at 5 and had to rush down to the Esplanade. Cos that day's show was also some SIA special event for Solitaire PPS members, they had a caterer come in to provide some refreshments before and during the show. The food itself wasn't particularly great, there wasn't a very wide selection available either. The show was fantastic though! The male leads were simply excellent, particularly the guy who played the Phantom. He had a clear, sharp voice and his singing was near perfect. The females though, were all too high-pitched for my liking. Had some wine during the course of the evening, when i got home i tried hard to stay awake and finish my schoolwork, but ended up crashing at about 2.30am. Overall, it was a really great evening.

The next day, fri, had duty for lit nite. Entertaining as well, the plays put up by the drama society and j2 classes were nice. Fell asleep during the poetry recital at the start though, quite sure quite a few ppl saw me sleeping. Kinda rude, but what the hell, i'd been up till 2.30 that morning.

Long day tomorrow, got detention till 8. Whole class. Just cos we were a bit late for assembly. Stupid. 3h detention for being 30s late. Just as well fri is Sports Carnival, otherwise it would really be helluva ridiculous.

Really tired these few days. Must be all the exercise i've been doing. My whole body aches from going to edwin's gym yesterday. Gotta go finish my looooooong-overdue work now, or i'm dead meat tomorrow.

WTH is happening?

2007-05-02T21:55:00.000+08:00

I can't believe i'm blogging 2 days in a row, but too much shit has been happening and i need to let it all out here. Over the past 2 months or so, i've been having terrible attitude swings. On one day i can feel great about life, the next day something goes wrong and i start feeling depressed and angry.

Today, it just felt like my whole world has come crashing down around me. The last few days, life was all fine and great, yet today felt like total crap. I had all those great hopes and ambitions, yet everything seems to fail. I don't believe i'm a failure. Yet, life never seems to go the way i want. All my dreams and ambitions were pretty much shattered today. I feel like a loser. But again, i know i'm not one. I believe God puts all these obstacles in front of me, but surely something has to materialise one day? Why is it so hard for me to ever achieve what i want? Even with the relative wealth, the support of my friends and family, i just don't seem to be succeeding in life the way i want to be. Maybe God has different ideas for me? I don't know, but i wish i knew why crap seems to happen to me all the time. I'm angry, i'm frustrated, i'm slightly depressed. But the worst part of this all is that i can't seem to pin all these on any one single event, thing or person. No matter how far i look to blame something or someone, i still feel that all my problems are more or less self-inflicted. And that really sucks.

Most people see only the outside image i present. The rude, vulgar, slightly arrogant me is what most people see. Yet my closest friends will know that what's inside is so different. Sometimes i really hate myself for who i appear to be, for the way i behave. Maybe i am hiding the insecurities i have. But then don't we all? My closest friends will also know that i am indeed vulnerable, i am not the all-powerful, influential and rich person i seem to be. I don't like who i am, sometimes, but it's just so hard to change myself. I wish more people would be able to see past the outside, but really sometimes that is something impossible to do. Maybe though, if i change myself, let my true character and ability shine through, i wouldn't be having to deal with the shit that's flying around now. Realistically, i don't know what to do from here. The carefree image sometimes is just a farce too. Deep inside, all that fun and laughter is just to distract me from what's really going on. I'm never as happy as i seem to be. Don't be fooled by my attitude.

I don't know what's happening to me. All i know is i'm struggling, no drowning. I hate the way things are. I want to change, it's from inside that change has to take place. But how am i supposed to do that when the inside hurts so much? Maybe it's the effects of entering a new phase of life that's finally hitting me. Whatever it is, it really sucks. And i can't even pinpoint a source of my anger and frustration. I wish i could just crash and let myself be and hopefully everything will go away. Alas, that will never happen. Because when a mess is made, you have to clean it up. Yourself. I'm not sure whether i'm capable of that though.

Some thoughts...

2007-05-01T22:03:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was an...interesting day to say the least. What happened in the evening is something i'll probably remember for quite awhile, even though i wasn't directly involved. It certainly left a deep impact on me. I'm not going to dwell on what exactly happened, for the privacy of the parties involved. I admit though, i was partly responsible for what happened. But with or without my actions, what happened yesterday would have happened eventually.

Ever had that experience when you really want to know something? And then when you finally find out, you realise that you'd rather not have known. That happened yesterday, though thankfully not to me. Perhaps it is true that sometimes certain things are better left unsaid, at least for the time being. But considering that the truth was going to come out eventually, wouldn't it be better that a friend be there to support you? What happened yesterday was something new and something i'd rather not have to go through myself. We humans are capable of feeling and understanding, it's what separates us from animals. Sometimes, these emotions are just too much to bear. There are times we all, including myself, wish we could just let things live on within ourselves and life goes on normally. This is impossible, emotional expression is something we all go through. What makes it all better though, is that we have friends around us who support, encourage, empathise and overall just understand us. Friendships are the key to living in this world, don't ever lose your friends.

I realise most of you probably won't have a clue as to what i'm talking about in this post. All i can say is that my mind is now a tangled web of thoughts and emotions. I'm just as confused as anyone of you reading this. Hopefully, someone will come along and pull me out of this phase.

New skin!!!

2007-04-29T22:34:00.000+08:00

WOOHOO! New skin!!! Ain't it great? Thanks glen!

Crazy 2 days!

2007-04-22T00:11:00.000+08:00

So i celebrated my birthday on fri, and what a fantastic day it was! Thanks mom and dad for the last 17 years and for the SB-600. Thanks old chum for the book and girl for the tofu man. Thanks jeremy, edwin, xd and verrell for the Gears of War. Last but not least, thanks matthias, james and hubert for the sweater or jacket or whatever it is.

Fri actually started out rather bad, got super irritated during break but cooled down eventually. Really glad the cake was well received, though perhaps i shouldn't have ordered such a big, CREAMY cake. Trust me when i say it's not much fun to have cream smeared on your hair, especially if you can't shampoo it till 10 at night. Thanks to hubert my hair was sticky and what-not the whole till i got home. Went to town for lunch with edwin and xd after school, before heading to marina square. We walked round marina square twice, first trying to find the bowling alley and then trying to figure jeremy and verrell has disappeared to. As it turned out the bowling alley has been booked for a private function, so we headed to marina south instead. The bowling was really great, managed to bowl over 120 fr both games. Either i was having some good birthday luck or the pins were really light. I suspect it was the latter...After that i went to Lei Garden at Chijmes for dinner with the family. Chijmes is really messed up, the maps at the entrances showed the wrong location of Lei Garden, making me walk round Chijmes for 1omin. The food wasn't really that great and neither was the atmosphere, but i was so sleepy i hardly ate anything anyway. Went home and tried playing the Gears of War, suffice to say my hand coordination totally sucks. Overall, it was a fantastic birthday, family and friends for company, and some smashing gifts!

Saturday was another fun time. Met hubert at dhoby ghaut ad went down to The Cathay to watch 'Shooter". Nice action and all, but i think the plot wasn't particularly thrilling. After the show we went to Plaza Sing to find somewhere to eat before james and matt got there. Eventually Mr. Picky Stomach (hubert) said he wanted to have buffet, so we met james and went to suntec instead. We decided the crowd was too large there, so we headed for the fountain of wealth. We walked round (seemed to be doing a lot 'walking round' lately) the fountain twice (thanks to Mr. Picky Stomach) before settling on Fish & Co..Here's when it got really dumb. We went from Fish & Co., then KFC and finally Mac's. Why all the moving? Well we didn't want to stay in Fish & Co. after dinner, so we went to KFC to sit around and talk. And a certain someone (matt) went on an eating spree. Not 1 round, not 2 rounds, but 6 rounds of food! First the real dinner (including starter) at Fish & Co., 2 rounds at KFC, 1 Big Mac sponsored by me and 2 cheeseburgers sponsored by james. That all went in while me, james and hubert sat there in hilarious disbelief. Unbelievable, but here's some evidence:

What a blast the last 2 days were, but it's time to hit the books again with 2 CAs coming next week. Which reminds me, i got 5.5 for summation FA after all, not 2 as i had expected. Ha. Oh and if you managed to read until here, you have my appreciation and respect for your perseverance. Haha. Well rejoice now, cos that's the end of my rambling. Time to sleep!

The beginning....

2007-04-17T23:45:00.000+08:00

Ha, so i created a blog, or rather my sister created it for me. And yes that wonderful pic was taken by me, on the way home from Paris. Whyyy did i start a blog? Well cos i'm bored and i need something to cure my boredom and for some way for people to realise i'm bored. Ha. Ok, so maybe not really. More like i need the space for expression. Or so i think. Hmm...

Enough nonsense. Let's start with this week so far. So...it's been rather lousy so far. 13 for my econs test??? 2 for summation??? Not exactly fantastic grades. Heh. And i have an interview for Reach Cambridge tomorrow. Hopefully that will go well, but then i don't even know what the interview is about. Well at least my birthday is on Fri, that should be fun. Gonna celebrate with cake during break, then after school it's bowling with the usual gang.

So much for a first post. Well obviously i'm reallyyy bored. But expect more enlightening stuff as time goes by.

2007-04-15T15:24:00.001+08:00

Hello